Test by God found during archeological dig

An archeological dig conducted over the past 6 months in a remote region in Southern Africa has turned up a meaningless but controversial find.   The region, described by devil worshiping scientists as one of man’s earliest habitats, has turned up fossils which provide “evidence” supposedly supporting the fictitious theory of evolution.
According to Prof. John Leiber, [...]

New Army slogans

Directed to parents:

You gave them no other options; we’ll keep them out of your hair for a few years
We’ve been helping little four-eyed pussies score wives since the Revolutionary War
Sure, your kid may be smart enough for college…but the Army is free
When your mentally unstable killing machine son returns home, he sure will be polite
Your [...]

Church group sends prayers in lieu of food to earthquake victims

This weekend, the National Church Organization God’s Children responded to the catastrophic earthquake in Indonesia through an outpouring of prayer.  The non-profit organization, which boasts nearly 200,000 members across the United States and reported profits of $4.3 billion in 2008, organized several nationwide group prayers dedicated to the victims during church services over the weekend.
According [...]

Ten Years Ago Today: My story

Today is April 20th, 2009.  Ten years ago today something bad happened.  This is my story of that day.
Ten years ago today I woke up and went to bowling class. Bowling class started at 6:30 AM.  We formed teams at the beginning of the semester, and then bowled against different teams each week. [...]

Mostly-United States Elects First Atheist President!

November 5, 2808: Thousands of years of prejudice all but vanished yesterday, as Juntao Satanidric won election as the first ever atheist president of the Mostly-United States of America.  Satanidric, who is also  deaf, gay, and limbless, faced an uphill battle the entire way due to his open rejection of a traditional God.  His opponent, [...]

Shocking study on homosexuality

A study published this week in the scientific journal Ferrohydrodynamics And Gayness Studies (FAGS) reports the shocking conclusion that homosexual teenagers are over 900 times more likely to grow up to be homosexual adults.  The five year study collected data from 2000 male adults: 1000 Queer Individuals (QI’s) and 1000 Not Queer Individuals (NQI’s).  Remarkably, [...]

Race for the Cure fails for 25th straight year

Despite the participation of more than 50,000,000 individuals in over 18,000 cities worldwide, the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure failed to locate the cure for breast cancer once again in 2008. The organization raised over 25 million dollars towards the purchase of little pink ribbons, and recruited a record number of people. [...]

The remarkable similarities between Zombies and Mormons

They usually travel in groups
They will stop at nothing in their efforts to add new members to their “club”
Their main selling point to convert newcomers is Eternal Life
They look and act kind of like regular people; there’s just something…different…about them
People tend to run away or hide when they seem them coming
Their very existence is a [...]

Riots mark historic victory for Obama

As the electoral votes mounted and the White House became imminent, supporters of Barack Obama in cities all across the country celebrated his historic victory on election night the only way Americans know how: with riots, looting, and setting things on fire.
In Grant Park in Chicago, Obama captivated the crowd with an eloquent and inspiring [...]

80 women all coincidentally wear same costume to Halloween party

A coincidence of almost unbelievable proportions occurred this past weekend at the Halloween Bash, an advertised pre-Halloween costume party at High Street Bar in Duquesne, Illinois, when every single woman in attendance independently dressed as a Slut.  Not a single word of communication had transpired between any of the 80 or so women, who ranged [...]