Bush throws temper tantrum in White House

President Bush, who was supposed to be using his final day as President to clear away the remainder of his belongings from the White House, reportedly threw a temper tantrum during a “Farewell Luncheon” with his advisers, and has locked himself in the Oval Office, refusing to come out until everyone in America says something nice about him.

Bob Schreider, political analyst and Bush confidant, told reporters that Bush is not speaking to anyone, although occasional sobs and mumblings of self-deprecation have been heard from inside the Oval Office throughout the ordeal.  President-elect Barack Obama, meanwhile, spent much of the afternoon hanging out in the White House lobby, personal effects in tow, waiting to move into his new office.   Obama, displaying the calm rationale which he has come to be known for, has been very patient throughout, stating at one point that “it’s understandably a tough day” for Bush.  He added, “I’m sure if we just give the little fella some time alone, he’ll be alright.”

In a CNN interview, however, Schreider did not seem convinced that Bush would come out on his own.  “Perhaps,” he said, “the best choice is for everyone to say something nice about him.  It wouldn’t have to be anything too nice, just something so that he feels special.”  In light of the interview, a special email address, bushnotsobad@aol.com, has been set up, and all American citizens are urged to send in a brief email with a nice compliment for the 43rd President on his last day.  According to Schreider, around 30 emails would probably be enough to get Bush to open the door, at which point Secret Service officials could take him down and forcibly remove him.  Whether that many American citizens will be up to the task is uncertain, though, and so alternative tactics are being considered, including tricking Bush into thinking that Osama Bin Laden is hiding in the kitchen, or hitting the Oval Office with wave after wave of miniature nuclear war heads.