Mostly-United States Elects First Atheist President!

November 5, 2808: Thousands of years of prejudice all but vanished yesterday, as Juntao Satanidric won election as the first ever atheist president of the Mostly-United States of America.  Satanidric, who is also  deaf, gay, and limbless, faced an uphill battle the entire way due to his open rejection of a traditional God.  His opponent, [...]

Bush throws temper tantrum in White House

President Bush, who was supposed to be using his final day as President to clear away the remainder of his belongings from the White House, reportedly threw a temper tantrum during a “Farewell Luncheon” with his advisers, and has locked himself in the Oval Office, refusing to come out until everyone in America says something [...]

God alters football game

After more than 13 billion years of dormancy, God came out of hiding today and directly altered the structure of the universe to change the outcome of one particular athletic competition held among members of one particular semi-advanced species of organism played on a land mass, called the United States of America, located on Earth, [...]

Shocking study on homosexuality

A study published this week in the scientific journal Ferrohydrodynamics And Gayness Studies (FAGS) reports the shocking conclusion that homosexual teenagers are over 900 times more likely to grow up to be homosexual adults.  The five year study collected data from 2000 male adults: 1000 Queer Individuals (QI’s) and 1000 Not Queer Individuals (NQI’s).  Remarkably, [...]

Race for the Cure fails for 25th straight year

Despite the participation of more than 50,000,000 individuals in over 18,000 cities worldwide, the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure failed to locate the cure for breast cancer once again in 2008. The organization raised over 25 million dollars towards the purchase of little pink ribbons, and recruited a record number of people. [...]

The remarkable similarities between Zombies and Mormons

They usually travel in groups
They will stop at nothing in their efforts to add new members to their “club”
Their main selling point to convert newcomers is Eternal Life
They look and act kind of like regular people; there’s just something…different…about them
People tend to run away or hide when they seem them coming
Their very existence is a [...]